Mother’s Day Reflections – Top 10 Ways to Not Become my Mother

Posted: 05/08/2016 in Uncategorized

Laurie Holman: Comedy Writer, Copywriter, Chocolate Connoisseur

For those of us for whom Hallmark sentiments don’t quite ring true, here is my contribution to Mother’s Day, re-posted from several years back.

1. Have sex with younger men.industrial underwear

2. Have sex.

3. Never buy a plastic rain bonnet.

4. Don’t wear underwear that could be used as an Ace bandage.

5. Occasionally venture outside a 2-mile radius of my house.

6. Refrain from wearing clothing that covers every part of my body that looks imperfect.

7. Don’t buy generic ice cream.

8. Never use the phrase, “in my day….”

9. Don’t buy a cabinet and keep figurines of cute animals in it.

10. Never say to a friend in a restaurant, “I can’t eat anything on the menu, but it’s okay – I’ll eat when I get home.”

Explode, a comedy thriller….Spontaneous human combustion, or murder? 

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